I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
