Rock
Scissors
Fuck
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
