This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize
