Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
