Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
