Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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