i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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