Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
How does one acquire holy water?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
