i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
