I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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