Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
