im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I currently don't understand fingers.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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