Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
This is the prime rib incident all over again
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
