are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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