Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
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