Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
