Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
