Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
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