I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
