you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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