so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
