you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
