This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize