Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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