all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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