I'm so fucking centered right now
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
