I am puke
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
