and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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