If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
