i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
