So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
