Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize