Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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