whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
