just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
whose parrot is this?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
that may or may not have been my penis.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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