I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
