Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
