Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
