i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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