i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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