meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
