If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
you had me at cake vodka
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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