Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
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