A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize