We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
