Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
