My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
