My sheets look like a crime scene.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
