So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
