Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
