Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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