Sry I called you an 8
He kissed a someone with a penis
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
