After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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