took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
