yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
