God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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