pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
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