question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
