hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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