you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize