Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
