hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
