I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
